May 17th, 2020
I just got off of the phone with my mom.

She's going to buy a house - and was pretty serious about it over the last few days.

She sent my family a text today about how she won't be moving forward with that house, for a bunch of reasons that seemed trivial.

I'm pretty sure I know the real reason why she didn't want to buy the house - because she didn't love the house. But once she got further into the process of making an offer, it probably got harder for her to say that.

I just know my mom really well and this is a thing she does - she probably didn't want to let down the realtor, or the seller, or whatever. But it doesn't matter, that's not the point of the story.

After I hung up the phone (just now), I realized I did this thing that I always do - I had to be right about my theory. I had to try and "get it out of her" that she didn't really love it, and that she would have made it work if she really loved the house.

Every time I do this I feel horrible. What does it matter if I'm right? Especially in this scenario.

But why do I do this? I think it's because I'm self-concious because I do the same thing as my mom (in some other aspect of my life).

I make up excuses that dodge the root of the problem, maybe in business, maybe in my relationships.

Making up excuses not to do something is a weakness, and when I see other people do it, I want to call them out on it. But deep down, I only see this as a weakness in others because I suffer from it the worst.

If I didn't suffer from it - I probably wouldn't care / it probably wouldn't have even crossed my mind.

I have a friend who often talks about his brother and how he's unhappy because he didn't take enough risks after college (finding the right career, etc). The reality is... my friend is so critical of his brother because he's actually self-conscious about his own adversity to risk.

He admits this though, and I think that's the most important part.

Sometimes we don't care about being right - but I think that usually means we're just indifferent, or we've "solved" that area of our own life.

For me, a good example is diet. I don't eat much meat, but I also don't care if you eat a steak in front of me. And I'm never going to argue with anyone about the benefits of a vegetarian diet. I just know that's what I like.

I do know people that will argue/talk for hours about being vegan, or why you should only eat meat, etc. The question I think about is "why do they care so much to impose their own personal choices on others?". 

For people like this, there's something deeper that causes them to be this way. 

Why do they have to be right?

I don't want to be right anymore. 

For the things I'm fiery passionate about, I don't want you to think I that I'm trying to be right. Because when I do this, I just look like an asshole.

You can't change people. You can only change yourself.

If I can let go of this, my life will be 100x better. Working on it.