February 16th, 2020
Now that some people have told me they read this journal, and from the big Hacker News post, I feel it will be harder to be more honest.
However, I want to avoid that from happening. So I need to be even more honest. I don't want to hold anything back. If I hold something back, then that defeats the entire purpose of this whole thing, and I will just go create a new blog somewhere else.
So, let's talk about something that I need to get off my chest.
How do I know I need to get something off my chest? I have dreams about it, often. I feel that writing will help.
The last serious relationship I had ended a few years ago. And I don't think I'm over it.
I was the one who ended the relationship, and for me, that's actually the hardest part.
It's hard because, since then, there's always been this "what-if". What if I didn't end things? What if I knew back then what I know now? What if this was "the one"?
The thing is, I don't know. And that's what has always given me pause. In the 5 years passed, when I met a great girl, I would completely forget about her. But when I lost interest, I would think about her again. When I'm lonely, I think about what could have been.
Sometimes I remember all the great things about her. And that makes me think I did the wrong thing. And then I remember some of the reasons why we did break up. And that makes me think I did the right thing. I'm never completely sure.
If we had the opportunity to get back together, would I commit? I don't know - and that's me being 100% honest. I can't say for sure. I feel like you just have to know. There should be no question in your mind, right?
However, I do feel that I've changed, a lot. Back in those days, I was right out of college. I thought there was "so much more" I needed to do in life and that a partner would hold me back. FOMO, or something like that.
I still have a bit of that mentality. I don't go out looking for a relationship. However, I do think that the right partner could make you feel like you can do more than you would than when you're single.
Just writing this helps.
However, I want to avoid that from happening. So I need to be even more honest. I don't want to hold anything back. If I hold something back, then that defeats the entire purpose of this whole thing, and I will just go create a new blog somewhere else.
So, let's talk about something that I need to get off my chest.
How do I know I need to get something off my chest? I have dreams about it, often. I feel that writing will help.
The last serious relationship I had ended a few years ago. And I don't think I'm over it.
I was the one who ended the relationship, and for me, that's actually the hardest part.
It's hard because, since then, there's always been this "what-if". What if I didn't end things? What if I knew back then what I know now? What if this was "the one"?
The thing is, I don't know. And that's what has always given me pause. In the 5 years passed, when I met a great girl, I would completely forget about her. But when I lost interest, I would think about her again. When I'm lonely, I think about what could have been.
Sometimes I remember all the great things about her. And that makes me think I did the wrong thing. And then I remember some of the reasons why we did break up. And that makes me think I did the right thing. I'm never completely sure.
If we had the opportunity to get back together, would I commit? I don't know - and that's me being 100% honest. I can't say for sure. I feel like you just have to know. There should be no question in your mind, right?
However, I do feel that I've changed, a lot. Back in those days, I was right out of college. I thought there was "so much more" I needed to do in life and that a partner would hold me back. FOMO, or something like that.
I still have a bit of that mentality. I don't go out looking for a relationship. However, I do think that the right partner could make you feel like you can do more than you would than when you're single.
Just writing this helps.